Hello and welcome to my blog!
This week I will be talking about family rules and how to identify and even how to change your family dynamics.
What are Family Rules?
Family rules are not not necessarily what you think they are; dusting the house, doing the dishes, and cleaning your room are not family rules. Rules in the family are the rules that no one physically says but everyone follows them because they are subconscious. Family rules are what make up your family. Have you ever been to a friends house where the dad is the only person who can touch the remote? Or maybe even an old girlfriend/boyfriend who always choose what you watched on tv? Those are all family rules! Growing up my family had lots of family rules that I hadn’t realized until now.
Examples
I always decided when I wanted to go out with friends and where I went, but the only catch was that I knew that my dad decided my curfew. Another family rule, which I did not particularly like, is my mother and I decided what was for dinner then we made it. After dinner we end up doing all of the dishes while my dad and brothers watch television. This unfair rule went on for over 20 years, until my mom realized that was not right for the women to be doing all of the work. My mother switched this family rule that has been going on for over 20 years when she demanded that everyone helped with dinner then assigned on of my brothers to do the dishes. But why was that family rule going on for so long? I believe that it was because it was a family tradition, my grandma and my mom cooked and cleaned, therefore that what my mother thought was the normal thing to do.
After analyzing my family’s rules I decided to take a look into my in law’s rules. Unlike my situation as a teenager, my husband’s parents decide if their children can go out with friends. I personally think that is a good rule and that makes it so the parents are in control of their teenagers. Another rule is that their mother advises the family what is right and wrong and everyone listens. When my husband, Ben, and I were dating his mother told us since Ben and I knew we wanted to get married, we should get married as soon as possible because that is what the prophets have told us to do. Before his mother told us that I never even thought that I would get married to Ben so soon, but after praying we ended up following her advice and got married six months after that.
Why is this important?
It is important to identify your family rules so that you can change the rules that you do not like. The first step to change a rule is to identify it and understand why it is there. Once you understand why that family rule is there, you can either secretly change the rule yourself or talk to your family about it. For example, if I do not like how my husband is in charge of how money is spent then I could just stop asking him if I can go buy some ice cream at the store and just do it myself. A healthier option would be to sit down and ask of there is a reason why he is hogging all of the money. After you face the problem head on, continue to break the old rules and start making your own!
Happy Family Club 