Martial Adjustments

After the Honeymoon

You get off of your honeymoon and you and your spouse are super excited to start your new life together. This right there is most likely the happiest you have ever been and you do not want it to end. But a couple months into you being cramped up in your crappy apartment calls for a reality check. I was so happy that I was finally able to live with my best friend, aka husband and could not wait until we arrived at our new place. It was the first of June, our pioneer house was about 30 minutes away from the free way and in the middle of the Washington forest. Once my husband and I pulled into our 100 year old house, my mouth dropped, I was absolutely terrified. It was a nice house, but just really old and a little bit creepy. I was used to living in the city and now I was 19 and living with my husband in the forest.

I did grow to love that house, but it was really hard for me and a total culture shock. When my husband would leave for his job as a forest firefighter, I was really lonely and sad. I had no friends and my husband’s family lived over 30 minutes away. When Ben would unexpectedly stay late at work, I would cry and wish that my husband could be with my 24/7. I honestly felt mad at myself because I was so sad when he was gone, but now I realize that is not 100% a bad thing. Missing my husband so much just meant that I love him so much and that I wanted to be with my best friend. In this situation I could have done a lot of things better though that I regret not doing. I needed a hobby of my own to keep my happy and occupied while my husband was at work. I could have painted, made crafts, or practiced photography because those are the hobbies that I love. It is so important that you are able to practice your hobbies when your spouse is gone because it will significantly help your mental health.

Mutual Decision Making

A huge transition to marriage is mutual decision making. This topic can be extremely hard and causes lots of arguments and can turn into divorce. My husband and I are both very stubborn and have a hard time being wrong, which is not a good thing. I think that making decisions together is one of the hardest transitions going into marriage because two different people have to agree on one very important topic.

The most important advise I have ever gotten is the only way make true peace with someone is not being right, it is simply meeting half way. Marriage is hard and it means that you are going to have to do things that you do not like to do. My husband, Ben, loves camping and hiking with all of his heart but I hate camping with all of my heart. This camping argument has been an ongoing feud between the two of us because we are both trying to get our way. About a month ago we finally sat down and talked about the subject of camping. We came to terms that I would go car camping in the summer and that I would go hiking with Ben except for the winter months. This compromise was hard for the both of us but I knew that I could not take away something that my husband loves so deeply. Ben also knew that it wouldn’t be healthy for him to go camping and hiking without me and resent me for not going. I know this argument sounds silly but it is a great example of mutual decision making. I know it is hard for stubborn people, like me, to make decisions with your partner but once you learn how to meet half way, your relationship will blossom from there.